asphodellium

i have never

Posted on: 10 October 2012

There’s a game we often play as an icebreaker with groups of teens and young adults, called “I have never.” Basically, we go ’round and ’round the circle sharing things we’ve never done. Everyone starts off with ten fingers, with one finger being eliminated every time someone else’s “I have never” doesn’t apply. There isn’t really any winning or losing involved; only that the last one standing may get some teasing for being the most, I don’t know, innocent?

So, just for fun, here are seven of my own, things I’ve never done:

1. Shaved my legs.

Of course I do know Chinese girls who shave their legs, but my impression is that a lot of us don’t because we’re comparatively hairless there. At least I’ve never had reason to. The hair is so fine it’s unnoticeable, similar to arm hair, and people don’t shave their arms, right? It was one less thing to worry about while pregnant, thank goodness.

2. Broken a bone.

I’ve certainly had my share of scrapes and bruises, but let’s just say my guardian angel has never had cause to take stress leave.

3. Dyed my hair.

And I get $15 haircuts maybe three times a year. I’ve gotten $50-60 cuts before and, honestly, there isn’t much difference … except in the higher price range they sometimes serve you tea.

4. Been drunk.

Alcohol was never one of those things I missed during pregnancy, because I don’t drink. It’s an acquired taste I never acquired. I don’t even appreciate wine as an ingredient in food.

5. Faked an orgasm.

Okay, I could write a whole post on the two tectonic shifts our sex life has undergone, first in late second trimester and again post-baby. But I probably won’t because, umm, TMI? I swear it’s an unusual story though.

6. Watched a horror movie.

I cannot watch horror movies. I am a gigantic wuss when it comes to movies. Anything above a very low threshold of stressful can mess me up for ages. (I pretty much watched The Passion of the Christ with my coat over my eyes. Afterwards, a friend remarked, “Congratulations, Sarah, you just listened to a movie. And it wasn’t even in English.”)

7. Dieted.

I’m not delusional enough to think I need to lose weight, not at the numbers I elicit from the scale. Case in point: at 39 weeks pregnant I remained within the normal, non-pregnant weight range for my height. I’ve joked before that I could stand to keep all twenty-five extra pounds, but they’re gone! Ah, genetics.

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